


Skin

by Pachitastic



Series: Bees, Empathy, Telepathy [8]
Category: Tokyo Demons
Genre: M/M, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-17 08:09:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3521852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pachitastic/pseuds/Pachitastic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kadoyuki in one of the moments where he feels safe enough to explore his feelings for Sachi. Book 3 spoilers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Skin

When Kadoyuki was alone, he felt almost normal. The space in his head was only his, no echos of anyone else. There was no one else to touch him, invade his space, invade _him_. There was no one to blur his borders and leave him feeling fuzzy.

Most importantly, there was no one _he_ could hurt.

When he had moved into the apartment with Sachi, he picked the smallest room and immediately started padding the walls with blankets. When Sachi saw what he was doing, he didn’t hesitate to supply some of his _ow_ n blankets, to make a proper fortress. He nailed the blankets to the walls so they hung, covering each section and leaving no white plaster exposed. This room would kill him come summer, but otherwise, it was perfect. It was a barrier between him and the outside world-- something he could pretend was impenetrable.

Simply put, he felt safe.

For the most part, Kadoyuki did not want to be touched by anyone. It didn’t matter that Sachi’s kindness penetrated him more deeply than any touch, it didn’t matter that Ayase was equal parts warmth and warrior goddess, he didn’t want them touching him. Not that it mattered much, with Ayase gone. Living with Sachi was odd, with their schedules running almost totally opposite. Sachi was awake during the day, doing his schoolwork and going to classes. Kadoyuki on the other hand, could never really tell what time of day it was. He just know he frequently found himself going to bed when Sachi was waking up. They existed in the same space, but often, Kadoyuki didn’t feel like they really _lived_ together. Sachi would sometimes leave meals in the fridge, but it wasn’t the same.

When he said yes to Sachi’s invitation… he wasn’t sure what he had expected to happen. It seemed like a safe idea, at the very least. In untangling the knots of hope and fear in his heart, and finding where he ended and everyone else began, he found that Sachi would spark something warm in him. If Sachi was happy, it felt like everything was okay. For all the darkness in the world and in Kadoyuki’s past, if Sachi could smile despite all of that, things would be okay. They _were_ okay.

In these empty times where his thoughts were his and his alone, he let himself think of maybes and what-ifs. What if he hadn’t rejected Sachi all those years ago? What would’ve happened if he had taken Sachi’s hand? What of Touya? Surely, he would’ve met Sachi regardless of Touya’s involvement, but would they be here? Would things have ever gone beyond that horrible fight and a flimsy excuse to dissolve a tense moment? Kadoyuki could have kept walking past that classroom, he could’ve just _let it go_ , but he couldn’t. Sachi was the epitome of happiness, and hearing his panicked, desperate thoughts _hurt_. Besides, the girl he was with didn’t really want to do it either, so no one was hurt, they were only helped, weren’t they?

What if Touya had never shredded Kadoyuki from the inside? What would things be like with Sachi now? Ayase? Would it be comfortable be able to touch them or would he still be just as bad? He was sure that sex wouldn’t repulse him as much as it did, but that didn’t mean that anything could come of it.

Kadoyuki closed his eyes, thriving in the silence. He let himself pretend, for a moment, that he was okay. He let himself imagine Sachi’s touches. Sachi who would be quick to stop-- to back off when things were too much. That freedom to explore and touch and be touched without fear of it continuing when he needed it to _stop_ was euphoric. Sachi… What would Sachi do? It was hard to tell what had gone through Sachi’s head under the hypnosis. Everything had been under a foggy blanket.

Sachi wasn’t really the type to just run on instinct, was he? He would kiss Kadoyuki first, kiss his forehead or temples, pause in between, let Kadoyuki get used to the feeling. He would let the panic come and go before he kissed again until the panic was an after thought. Even so, Sachi would stop, wouldn’t he? He wouldn’t let Kadoyuki be scared. He would let things simply _stop_ and not push it.

Sachi’s touches, a flutter across Kadoyuki’s thin skin, would send sparks. Slowly, down his neck, down his chest. Hesitation-- lower, down to his abdomen, stopping at his hips. In Kadoyuki’s perfect world, this didn’t scare him, it only made him feel hot and almost needy. If Sachi’s minimal touches sent so many sparks through him, what would it be like for Sachi to touch elsewhere?

Kadoyuki slid his hand under the elastic of his pajama pants and his boxers, focusing so much more on his thoughts than directing his hand. Sachi would start with nervous touches, probably. Under the happiness and friendliness, he could be nervous. But underneath his nervousness, all he wanted to do was make Kadoyuki happy.

Touch--

     Sparks.

Squeeze--

     Kindling of a fire.

Stroke--

     Pure lightning, in every nerve.

Kadoyuki would be comfortable, in this scenario. He would be able to trust Sachi above all else. The lightning sent a shudder through him and he squeezed his eyes shut, afraid to lose the fantasy he had so carefully constructed.

It was an awkward struggle, but Kadoyuki managed to stroke himself. He focused on Sachi touching him, Sachi kissing him. Sachi keeping him close enough that it was only them in the whole world, only two sets of thoughts resounding in Kadoyuki’s head. Their skin would touch more and more frequently, and it would feel okay. The barriers melting between them would be anything but invasive and terrifying.

It woudn’t take much to make Sachi cum-- a comforting thought. Kadoyuki had no experience, and Sachi wouldn’t expect it, but it wouldn’t take eons of fumbling to give Sachi the same pleasure Kadoyuki had received.

Under Sachi’s touches, Kadoyuki didn’t feel so fragile. His skin didn’t feel like paper, ready to fall to pieces. He wasn’t so sick anymore, his skin covered in multicolor bruises. The boldest thing Kadoyuki would do-- _could_ do, is put his arms around Sachi. Maybe, wrap his legs around Sachi’s hips and let their erections grind against each other. The heat would be smothering, but safe.

He wanted Sachi to be a part of his fortress, able to enter and add protection. He wanted to be close to Sachi and know what it felt like to have _sex_.

It was the most innocent thing, but thinking about nothing more than Sachi’s gentle touches amidst the heat was what sent Kadoyuki over the edge. The smell almost made him sick, like he should be ashamed of himself. He probably should be, but his mind was too fuzzy with the afterglow to be able to remember whether he was allowed to pleasure himself or not. It was a forgivable crime, wasn’t it?

He took his hand out of his pants, rolling onto his side and curling up. He needed to shower, he needed to clean himself of this mess, and probably do laundry before Sachi was awake or came home or whatever time of day it was.

He was still in his silence though, able to think his own thoughts and nothing else. Maybe, it would be nice to make steps toward _being_ with Sachi the way Sachi wanted. Kadoyuki knew he didn’t mind the idea, in essence. It would probably be less creepy to masturbate to your boyfriend than your friend. He had to admit, he was thankful that Sachi couldn’t read minds. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have any more than he wanted to talk to Sachi about his sex dreams with Ayase. They were things that were supposed to be private, so he might as well pretend that they still were.

It could be nice, maybe, to thin those barriers, be skin to skin with Sachi. Things could be stupid and mundane. Things could be _simple_. Maybe he could get back into writing… He always had fun with that. Maybe he would let Sachi read his stories. Maybe Ayase, if and when she came home.

Was it fair to call this her home? He wasn’t sure, but it seemed like a nice thought.

 


End file.
